.svg){kind=small}
.svg)
When was the last time you felt truly calm during a stressful moment? Not just tolerating your stress, but actually at peace with it?
I recently sat down with Salim Najjar, known as "the HRV guy," to explore this question.
After losing two family members to cancer, Salim dedicated his life to understanding how our bodies process stress. After years of research, his favorite metric to track became heart rate variability- the variance between each heartbeat.
Here's what really fascinated me: While most of us think about heart rate (beats per minute), HRV measures something different. It tracks how adaptable your nervous system is to stress. The higher your HRV, the more resilient you are, and the more bandwidth you have.
Think about Michael Jordan shooting a game-winning free throw. While that type of pressure would throw most people into a panic, Jordan remains calm. His high HRV allows him to stay in a flow state, accessing all his years of practice and muscle memory.
"Your HRV score is like a language your heart uses to communicate with you," Salim explained. It tells you whether your nervous system is ready for challenges or needs recovery. He also shared that your HRV is unique to each and every person. That means comparing your HRV to others is meaningless. What matters is understanding your baseline and how it fluctuates.
One of the biggest breakthroughs of the conversation came when Salim shared his approach to stress: curiosity and levity. Instead of fighting against stressful moments, he gets curious about them. He asks: "Why am I reacting this way? What story am I telling myself?"
Jaw meet floor. Stress isn't something to eliminate - it's actually essential for growth. Just like you can't build muscle without resistance training, you can't build emotional resilience without facing and processing stress.
The key is learning to regulate your nervous system throughout the day. This might mean taking conscious breaks, practicing breathwork, or simply bringing awareness to physical sensations in your body. These micro-recoveries help prevent the chronic stress that leads to inflammation and disease.
For men especially, this practice of feeling and processing emotions (rather than suppressing them) can feel foreign. We're often taught to push through discomfort rather than understand it. But as Salim reminded me, true strength comes from emotional athleticism - the ability to stay present with difficult feelings while maintaining your center.
This isn't just about feeling better. It's about optimizing performance in every area of life - from leadership to relationships and physical health. When we learn to speak the language of our hearts, we access a deeper kind of masculine power - one built on expression rather than repression.
I’m deeply inspired by Salim’s dedication to improving his health, and teaching others how to do the same. To hear all the gems from our conversation, tune into our full episode of The Optimist. I can’t recommend it enough.
